St. Paddy’s: Is it still worth it?

I had a dream the other night that I wrote the best blog ever. Let me tell you, this ain’t it.

It’s that time of the year. Everyone finds some green shirt in the back of their closet they haven’t worn since 2007 just so they can get drunk for the whole weekend without feeling bad about themselves.

Now, to the point of this. I used to love St. Paddy’s. Mostly because there’s something going on every weekend in March and sometimes the first weekend in April. I love green beer, something about it make the world a better place. You’re getting blasted with your buddies, doing stupid shit, and having a blast. I used to go all out. I stole a green Bud Light (Shout Out) Necklace when I was 21 that I used every year. I’d get someone to sharpie a Mike Tyson Tattoo on my face. Hell, one year I even bought a set of grills because what’s more Paddy’s than fake gold teeth. But this year someone asked what I was doing for the great holiday and for the first time ever I thought to myself “Is it even worth it to go out?”

I’m 25 now. My drinking has slowed from a few beers a day and a lot on the weekend, to a few beers on a weekend, maybe. Whenever I get hungover now I’m out for the whole day and still feel like shit the day after. I’m also bitter and impatient, so long waits piss me off. (I even hate waiting the 2 minutes for Mcdonalds food.)

Anyways, back on topic.

The past two years, we all packed up and went to Pittsburgh for their celebration. Sounds fun right? Wrong. In those two years I lost my coveted Bud Light necklace, which really bugs me to this day. Our friend lost his voice, then got so drunk that he fell and split his face open and a motorcycle paramedic (Which I didn’t know existed) had to come give him a bandaid. I waited 20 minutes to get a 6 dollar beer that wasn’t even green and then the goddamn cops kicked us out of the bar because it was “over capacity”. Though, we did watch a guy walk out of a bar with a drink and give the bouncer the double fingers. (That in itself probably did make the trip worth it.)

Long story short, last year I was back at my buddy’s place asleep by 9 pm.

Pittsburgh and Other Big Cities: Not worth it unless you like long lines and not drinking to your full potential. I’d rather let Casey Anthony babysit my kids than go back to that mess. (I also don’t have kids, so nothing to lose there)

I’ve also gone to a celebration in Indiana know as IUPattys since before I could drink legally (Oops). It’s always a good time. I wish I could tell you a few stories about it, but alcohol has rotted my brain and I was usually drunk Thursday through sunday for this, so forgive me if my memory is hazy. (Plus we used to make blackout punch for it (That’s a whole other story for another day, Maybe we’ll give you the recipe too)

It’s always towards the end of the month (The weekend of the 23 this year, But festivities start early in the week). Some of the bars serve a breakfast buffet on Saturday so your hungover ass can get some food to sop up the copious amounts of alcohol you drank the night before. I also suggest cracking a beer as soon as you wake up to combat this.

However, I live in Indiana now and most of my drunk friends have grown out of the tradition. This has never stopped me before. But it doesn’t have the same lucky charm as it used to for me. I also now live a block away from the biggest party of the weekend and I wouldn’t walk to it before and I still won’t. I’m not excited to have the helicopter flying over blaring “DISPERSE IMMEDIATELY”. I did think about selling the 600 kids that are gonna walk past my house hot dogs and I thought about doing a man on the street video for it, both great ideas but the chance of me getting off my ass to do it is about 5% so don’t be on the lookout for that.

Anyways, there’s enough parties going on and enough bars that usually none of them get super packed and you can get drinks pretty quickly (I recommend Wolfies, they’re friends of the podcast and awesome people) . Beer is cheap enough in Indiana and there’s an over abundance of green beer, so that’s a huge plus.

Indiana/IUPattys: Worth it if you don’t mind mingling with college age kids. But don’t be the creepy 50 year old guy that randomly shows up at a house party. Yes, that happened once.

But with all these fancy celebrations with whole weekends dedicated to them, quite possibly my favorite places for Paddy’s get forgotten about

Small hometown bars. Beer is cheap, They’re never really packed to the brim unless they’re an Irish bar. Those get a little wild. There’s all kinds of colorful people (Who doesn’t want to drink with the town’s resident crazy guy?) and you never know who’ll pop up. One bar close to my hometown even has a little person(That’s the right thing to say, right?) that dresses up like a leprechaun and get blasted with everyone. They always have green beer.

Hometown Bars: Definitely worth it. They’re cheap and the beer is green. You can’t go wrong.

Now, you might be wondering “Sam, do you think St Paddy’s is worth it?” Or “Sam, are you gonna go out for St Paddy’s?”

Well, let me tell you.

OF COURSE I DO. HAVE YOU SEEN HOW MANY TIMES I’VE MENTIONED GREEN BEER?

I love green beer. I love holidays that give you a reason to drink. I’ll risk the terrible hangover for some fun. So grab your shithead friends, throw on your old green shirt you’ll probably lose by the end of the night, and hit the bars!

Just if you see a pot of gold, Leave it alone…

*Also, I’ve used Patty’s and Paddy’s. I looked it up and the answers are unclear. I don’t care. Leave me alone

Also Also, Fuckin Paramedics on motorcycles. That still blows my mind