On a past episode, we talked about making an original horror movie, but instead of killing people, the guy would just cum on them. Well, after some encouragement, I wrote a short story about the newest horror icon.
I present to you, The Serial Cummer
It was one of those stereotypical nights that you only see in horror movies, It was storming and there were strange things happening in our town all week. There had been lots of break ins, but strangely nothing had been stolen. If fact, our house had been broken into that Wednesday, but we made sure to up our security. What Could go wrong?
A lot.
Everyone was joking around town the break ins were a plot for a serial killer, learning the layouts of houses to sneak around better. As you’ll learn later on, they were DEAD wrong.
I guess I should introduce myself, I’m Will. I’m a bit of a horror movie buff. I’m 22, but I still live at home (Yes I know it’s pathetic). So none of this scared me. My parents had decided to go visit my aunt and uncle this weekend, so I had the house to myself. I had planned on doing my regular Friday night ritual. I rented shitty horror movies and planned to have a sick marathon. The lineup was great. Night of the Demons, Leprechaun 2, and Nightmare on Elm Street 3. Before I started, I decided to check my phone, because I hate being bothered while I’m watching my damn movies.
My friend Max loved to text me stupid shit just to interrupt me, so it’s better off to trick him into thinking I was already watching them. Sure enough He sent me a text, so I humored him.
Max: Man, I think someone is in my house. I heard something downstairs. But I’m not going to check it out…
Me: Good try dude. Get a new shtick, you do this every friday.
Max: No dude. You know how they said maybe that person is breaking into houses to learn the layouts? Well I didn’t tell anyone, but they hit my house last night. Maybe it’s true. Maybe they’re here to kill me.
Me: If you’re So worried, Call Sheriff McReady. The police can help you.
Max: Don’t you think I tried, He thinks it’s another one of my pranks.
Me: Goddamn it Max. If I have to come the whole way over-
*A text from max interupts me*
Max: WILL, It’s down the hall. I have to be quiet. I’m hiding under my bed. I’ll text you when it’s safe
Surely Max had just got me going once again. So I might as well just wait and see what he cooked up, So I threw on Night of The Demons While I waited. 20 minutes in, I get a text from Max…
Max: It’s safe now for me
Me: Great. I knew it would be. You do the same joke every friday.
Max: But you see, I said it’s safe for me. Not for our friend Maxy.
This has got to be one of max’s goddamn jokes. A rhyming serial killer? That idiot knew I was renting the Leprechaun. This had to be a part of the joke.
Me: Great rhyme, Max.
Max’s Phone: This is not Max for you shall soon see. I am coming to see you soon my dear Willy.
Okay, I’m just gonna go along with this. Max is ruining my movie
Me: What have you done to Max?
Max’s phone: He’s stuck down a little right now.
Goddamn it. A fuckin’ one liner?
Me: Let me talk to max.
Max’s Phone: I’ll see you soon Willy. Signed, Your friend The SC
What The fuck. There’s no way I’m getting killed. I’m still not convinced, but I’m here alone so, fuck it. All I have to do is move some furniture back in the morning.
So I make sure the windows are locked. The door is locked with the deadbolt. I moved a few things around. Nothing can get in now.
So I get back to my movie, which is halfway over at this point. (Thanks Max)
I finally get settled and the fucking power goes out. Whatever. It’s just the storm. Some dickhead probably ran into a telephone pole. Except I noticed out the window that the neighbors lights were still on. FUCK. Max is crafty, but not smart enough to shut the power off from outside.
Now I’m starting to worry a little bit. But my horror instincts kick in. There’s no way I’m going into the basement to check the breaker box. I stick the recliner in front of the basement door.
I can’t watch my movies now. So I’ll just lock myself in my room. I’ll just wait until the morning and deal with everything in the morning. So I crawl into bed with my trusty louisville slugger. (My parents wanted me to play baseball, but I was more interested in making stop motion horror movies with our family video camera)
I’m feeling pretty comfy though. Fuck. I knew this would happen. I gotta keep myself up.
*Phone goes off*
Max: Dude, that wasn’t me. I promise you. You don’t want to know what it was.
Me: How did you shut my power off you fucker? Hahaha
Max: Will. I haven’t left the house. Your power is out? GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. It must be in there with you…
Me: What is?
Max: Just get out. Go straight to the Sheriff. I’ll Meet you there.
Fuck this. Now I’m scared. I’m getting out of here.
I text my parents and tell them something is wrong and they need to come home.
I fling open my bedroom door, bat ready. I make it 4 steps down the hall before I realize, There’s something at the end of the hall behind me.
I turned around and saw it. A guy, about 6’9″ In a pair of coveralls with a Richard Nixon mask on. But he only had one arm? What the fuck? A guy with one arm Not even a hook for a hand? Just one arm. I kind of chuckled to myself. There’s no way this dickhead is gonna kill me. Then I noticed, that one hand happened to have a big shiny knife in it.
Every badass thought I had just went away. I bolted down the stairs for the door. Which is when I realized, I made it impossible to get into the house, but I also made it impossible to get out. Fuck. I fell for one of the horror movie cliches.
Now I just know I have to get this guy before he gets me. So I wait around the corner of the stairs for him. I see him, except he has two arms now. What is this guy? Some kind of shapeshifter? Holy fuck. I also notice he has another weapon tucked in the overalls. But why didn’t he kill Max. Nothing about this makes sense. “Fuck it. Swing for the fences, Will” I think to myself.
I wind up and try to knock his block off. Of course, he turns and grabs the bat. I let go and take off into the living room.
I tripped over the fucking stack of movies and fell onto the couch. He’s only a few feet away. I can’t run. I noticed that the guy only has one arm again. Fuck. He must be planning you use the other weapon. I can’t do anything. I just accept that I’m gonna die.
He walks up to me. Points the knife in my face, and with the strangest voice I’ve ever heard says “Willy, you see, you just met the SC”
I’m terrified. All the sudden, the coveralls rip open and BOOM. This guy blows a load all over me and then hits me in the head and knocks me out.
I wake up the next morning to my parents with a strange look on their face. I look around. All the furniture is back where it’s supposed to be. The lights are on. It must have been a dream. “Hahaha! Great!” I think to myself.
“What the hell are you doing?!” Says my dad
I look down. and on my stomach there’s a monster load of cum and my pants are around my ankles.
I tried to explain everything, but it seemed like my parents just didn’t believe that I moved the furniture around to hide from a big guy in a Richard Nixon mask that ended up not trying to kill me, but cum on me instead.
They leave to go back to my Uncle’s and it hits me! “Check your phone, Will!” So I pull up my phone. No texts from Max and I. Nothing from last night except the text to my parents. I have to call Max. I need to know if this was real. Before I get a chance to call him, my phone rings and it’s him.
“We need to talk. Meet me in my garage in 5” Then he hangs up.
I get there. He shuts the door and tells me everything that happened to him last night. The Nixon mask and all. It was real. All of it! We realized that the town was right about one thing. Someone was breaking into houses to memorize the layouts, but it wasn’t a serial killer. No… it was The Serial Cummer…
Just then our phones both lit up. A text from an unknown number.
“It was all too real for you, but not real enough for me, but don’t worry. You haven’t seen the last of The SC”
Goin' Overboard! 